Creep Wall

He said "I've never hit a woman but you're really testing me" during an argument about dishes. I didn't even raise my voice. Now I'm scared to bring anything up because what if I "test" him too much?

He needs a full report every time someone texts or calls. "Who was that? What did they want? What did you talk about?" I'm exhausted from explaining every single interaction in my day. My friends have stopped reaching out.

I found my birth control pills in the trash. When I confronted him he said they're "poison" and we should "just see what happens." I'm 23. I don't want kids yet. Now I don't know if I can trust him with my body.

He wants my phone password, email password, social media logins. When I said no he said "if you have nothing to hide, why won't you show me?" Now he's convinced I'm hiding something. I just want privacy.

He gets drunk and mean. He'll yell, throw things, call me names. The next morning he apologizes and blames the alcohol. It happens every weekend now. I'm starting to plan my days around whether or not he'll be drinking.

Last night he wouldn't let me leave the room until I apologized. He stood in front of the door. I wasn't allowed to eat or sleep until we "resolved this." I finally said I was sorry just to escape. I have no idea what I apologized for.

Last night we were arguing and he punched the wall right next to my head. He didn't touch me, just the wall. He said he would never hurt me but I felt the air move when his fist went by my face. I can't stop thinking about it.

Whenever we fight he goes completely silent for days. No texts, no calls, nothing. Then suddenly he's back like nothing happened and I'm so relieved I apologize for whatever he was mad about just to keep the peace. I don't even know what I'm apologizing for anymore.

He questions every purchase I make even though I work full time. "Why do you need new shoes?" "That's a waste of money." But he buys whatever he wants. Last month he wouldn't give me grocery money because I "wasted" $30 on books.

He ignored me for five days after I said I needed space. Then yesterday he showed up with flowers and apologies and promises. I was so relieved I took him back immediately. Now I'm realizing this is a pattern. Punish, then reward. Repeat.

We fought until 4am even though I had work at 7. I kept saying I needed to sleep and he kept saying "we're not done talking about this." I was so exhausted I agreed to things I didn't mean just to make it stop.

He said "you look great for once" when I got dressed up for dinner. When I got quiet he said I was being too sensitive. His compliments always have a dig in them. I don't even feel good when he says something nice anymore.

He shoved me into the counter and then said "look what you made me do." I'M the one with a bruise but somehow I'M the one who caused it. He keeps saying if I didn't push his buttons this wouldn't happen. I'm starting to believe him.

He accuses me of cheating constantly. With my coworker, my trainer, my male cousin. There's zero evidence because I've never cheated. I'm starting to wonder if he's projecting.

He made me turn on location sharing "for safety." Now he texts me if I'm somewhere I didn't mention. He'll say "I saw you were at Target, why didn't you tell me?" I feel like I'm being watched constantly.

He's been "going to therapy" for six months. Nothing has changed. He still yells, still breaks things, still blames me. I think he's just saying it to buy more time. I'm tired of waiting for different.

He showed up at my work yesterday without telling me. Last week it was my gym. He says it's because he missed me but it feels like he's checking on me. My coworkers are starting to notice.

He's never once said "I'm sorry." When he hurts my feelings he explains why I misunderstood him or why I caused it. Last week he told me "I wouldn't have yelled if you had just listened the first time." I'm starting to believe him.

When he's angry he drives like he wants to kill us both. He'll speed, run lights, swerve between lanes while I'm begging him to slow down. He says if I didn't make him so mad he wouldn't drive like this. I'm terrified every time we argue in the car.

He told me all four of his exes were "psycho" or "crazy." At first I felt special, like I was different. Now I realize I'm about to be crazy ex number five the second I stand up for myself.